I’m sitting on the edge of my bed opening a contraption that I’ve been influenced to buy. It’s a sleek handheld device with laser beam lights that are supposed to make me prettier. The dated packaging and the turning of the pages of the little booklet strike a chord and all of a sudden I’m a woman in the fifties reading the instructions to one of those shake yourself to death machines with the big belt that goes around the backside. Turns out, this thing is a miniature version. I rev it up and begin to maneuver it around my jawline in hopes that it will shake my jowls into an oblivion. Point being, I’m spending the night before Thanksgiving vibrating the hell out of my face with a laser beam, wondering why time is a dirty thief.
Cut to the morning of Uncle Kenny’s holiday. That’s how I’ll always frame it. I hear the rustling of cousins catching up, showing off new babies and boyfriends. I smell Aunt Lola’s perfume and I feel the sting of Mamaw and Papaw’s absence. Uncle Tim says the blessing while Kenny Jr. and I stealthily sidestep our way to the beginning of the buffet. We’re ALWAYS the first in line, no matter the occasion. I pile the offerings of my McCoy family onto my plate with slight reservation as there are sixty people left to feed. Thinking ahead, I go to the dessert table and serve myself up a heaping mess of Aunt Debbie’s inexplicably delicious cracker salad. Some poor soul will wind up scraping residue and crumbs of it from the bottom of a pyrex and it’s not going to be me. I nestle myself between my sister and my cousin Mandy and I sink my teeth into the wonder that is Uncle Kenny’s famous, butter injected turkey. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. I’m safe. I’m home.
Redirect to what’s actually going on this morning. I’m still in bed. I’m listening to the clicking of keys as I write this post through tears that welled up during the above walk down memory lane. My kids are with their dads and Uncle Kenny is breaking bread with our heavenly father. We haven’t gathered on his day since his passing.
When I was in my twenties, I spent a Thanksgiving behind the counter of the little gas station at the mouth of the holler, selling scratch offs and two liters. I can’t say that I’ve ever spent one by myself. But, don’t pop the top on the pity party champagne just yet. This is a predicament of my own making. I chose, with intention, to abdicate myself from putting on makeup and preparing a side dish. A selection of those ‘friends who would step in front of a train for me” from my last post cordially invited me to their homes. I respectfully declined.
Though the transition from wife to ex-wife has delivered proper throes of solitary loathing, I’m typically, abnormally comfortable being alone. I’m a pro at losing myself to frozen pizza and a good documentary. When the house is still and quiet, the ideas that I collect in the hustle and bustle of my day to day ease themselves into fruition. My guitar gets played and self indulgent songs get written. I don’t suffer from fear of missing out. In fact, I err more on the FOGO side of things, fear of “going’ out. I love a warm bath with a side of staying in my pajamas all day.
This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful that the path I’m on never ceases to provide experience, growth and truth. I’m grateful for a moment of respite from small talk and responsibility. Excited about the incoming Bob Evans Holiday Celebration Platter that I ordered from Doordash, I reel in the convenience of living in Music City. I revel in the fact that after I gorge myself on processed bounty, I’ll go downstairs to fulfill some t-shirt orders from fans who appreciate my life’s work. I’ll do the dishes and pack my bag for Vegas.
U-turn to my space odyssey 2022 glowing, gyrating face sculptor. It’s a fad that has come and will eventually go, a relic that will die slow in a bathroom junk drawer. In the interim, I’ll gladly draw false hope from new fangled things. I’ll find ways to deaden the blow of middle aged beginnings. This won’t be the last holiday that I’ll spend in isolation and I’m ok with that. I’m confident that I’ll rock them out, fine and dandy like Dolly Parton during a hard candy Christmas. Pain has a higher purpose. I’ll wake up tomorrow, stronger and more settled in my freshly laser beamed skin. I’ll be closer to letting bygones be bygones and farther from the fear of starting over.
I’d like to invite you to use the comment section to share the ups and downs that graced you this Thanksgiving. No matter your story, your story matters. Tell it to me.
Don’t cry for me Argentina, I’m at peace and I’m mere moments away from a hot date with Bob Evans. Happy Happy Turkey Day to each and every one of you beautiful, beautiful creatures.
Safe travels. Break a leg. And do you your way. Thanks for the blog and the great music and the stories your music tells so well.
😊
Angelina,
I enjoyed reading your thoughts and predicament of the day. I could “read” a lot of lines to some upcoming songs in your words. I have followed you since the guy I’ve dated for almost 5 years told me he met you in Nashville probably 15 years ago, Dee Washburn. He was and still is still trying to break through the hard, tall wall of Nashville. We’ve been to Nashville and sent “a pitches” in, but they say he’s too left to center, not commercial country. Lol You seem to be your own woman and not the cookie cutter kind. If you have any advice for him, I’m all ears. You have such a “tell it like it is” approach to life lyrics that especially apply to women. Dee has been teaching me songwriting, which is different from the poem lyrics I use to write. You have a special gift. Keep it up, girl. You represent all of us women that our “don’t give a damn” is broken.
Paula Hardin
Just read it today and loved it, even I am already in the next phase of life being 67 years. Lost my husband of 17 years this fall, the angel heaven had sent me when I already was 49 years old. So don’t worry there is always someone around the corner. And being alone is ok. I’ll be on my own this Christmas, looking forward to festive cooking just for me, going to church and have a drink or two and toast to my husband gone to heaven.
I’m sure you shared the solo holiday with millions of Americans, it’s so important those stories find space amongst the filtered images that flood everyone’s feeds. Thank you for sharing.
We don’t do Thanksgiving across the pond of course. Me…I hate days that we are told will be the best. It’s too much pressure and rarely the way it works out. I find the best days are those that are “just another day”. Spending time with our favourite people, laughing at old jokes, sharing stories, even working! The days your kids do or say something joyful or innocent that will stay with you forever.
I hope you have the most wonderful weekend with the Annie’s….and all the best nothing-days life has to offer!
You’re so right. One of the only anniversaries that my ex and I ever got along and had a decent day was the year that both of us forgot it was our anniversary.. thanks for sharing!
We spend most holidays with the family of our choosing, be it in memory or in person. The trick is to love the company that we keep. That’s what makes it such a memorable feast. In the words of Warren Zevon, ” Enjoy every sandwich. “
Yes!!! My family of my choosing is so great.
Thanksgiving hasn’t been the same since the passing of my dad. We miss him more with each passing day and this year I tried to have his traditional thanksgiving dinner but wasn’t able to have it since my contractors didn’t get things finished in time for our get together. I miss our big family thanksgiving, miss my dad and all of our traditions and I know I’m hard to live with on the holidays cause I feel like part of me is gone since losing him and my holidays won’t ever be the same. I miss seeing you all and all of our crazy family pictures and sharing of the memories from the years that past from grandpa Robert passing out presents and the one that dropped Grannys famous coconut pie. I have been praying for u for I know all to well the Lonely holidays with no children, but today I am thankful for our loving caring family, the wonderful husband that I have been blessed with, the beautiful children we have between us two, the new toddler that God has blessed us with and my loving mother that’s taught me that no matter how bad the days are to lean on the lord and pray and we will see that the brighter days are ahead of us! Love you cuz and always praying for you !
Leave it to Dammian to drop the pie… I hear you. I’m sad with you. I’m so glad you have found some peace in your own little family. Love you cousin..
My dad passed in ‘02 right before Thanksgiving and that First Thanksgiving without him we choked our meal down and hardly anyone spoke. FF a few years seems we started different Thanksgiving traditions.. Teo years ago my mom passed a few weeks before Thanksgiving and first Holidays were absolutely painful without her! Now, part of family gathers one place and me and my sisters go to my sister’s house in Pikeville! Holidays are never the same without them but we make memories in honor of them and the babies we have in our family! Whether it be by seperate on/divorce/passing of someone /just being alone.. so very many people experiencing pain and joy on the Holidays we spend! You are a strong person Angeleena and a great songwriter .. you will write some great stuff that will be therapeutic to you for sure! Happy Belated Turkey Day and don’t rub your face off with that thing! 😂
Meant two years ago my mom passed in that last post!
Haha!! I’ll try not to. Love hearing about your thanksgivings. Thank you for sharing!!
I’m a boring history professor and don’t have a Thanksgiving story. I just wanted to say that I’m one of those fans who appreciate your life’s work! I hope you’ll do another solo album!
Angelina I have the utmost confidence that you will be okay no matter what. I have been privileged to know all of your family, both sides. They are all really good people. Your Aunt Bonnie was married to my brother. I still consider her my sister. She has always treated me like her little brother. I hadn’t seen your Dad in years and ran into him at Advance in Inez. Your uncle Jr. I see pretty often. I hate that he is sick. Your mom, Stella, and Lola was coming in the store when they helping Bobby. My family still gets togher on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day to have dinner together. We go to Mother’s house even though she and Dad have been gone for several years. I hope that this gives you a little uplift of spirit, that someone from home sent you a message.
So great to hear from you. Thank you. It did make me feel good to hear stories from home. Happy holidays to you.
Thank you for so vividly painting your scenery for us. Wanna name drop that facial contraption for the rest of us with jowl problems?? I’m sorry I am late to the party over here. Thanksgivings apparently get harder in a lot of our lives over time. The last meal I ever shared with my Mom was a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. 18 years ago, today, she passed. I haven’t made a turkey since. Just doesn’t seem right. This Thanksgiving I spent with my Dad and Uncle, right after their Mom passed. We had country ribs and watched our beloved Lions lose with 21 seconds left in the game, Grandma would’ve chuckled at that and us for being so disappointed in the game. As if we should be used to it by now. It was weird and good and sad too. Just one of those days that makes you grateful for what you’ve got, regardless of what it is.
Thanks so much for sharing. Sorry about the lions. I totally get the Turkey thing. It’ll always be Uncle Kenny’s day for me. Won’t ever be the same. Glad you got to enjoy those short ribs with your dad!
A layer of graham cracker crust, layer of homemade cheesecake a nd a layer of pumpkin on top was my upside, Also with two baby boy great grandsons. Downside was I had to kennel my doggies. Everything else was so good.
My thanksgiving was wild. I got the flu from a friend at school the week before and by thanksgiving everybody in my home was sick as I had just recovered. I will admit it was a stressful day and a difficult one at that but there were some good standout moments. I took a very nice shower that day and my mom very surprisingly made a way better turkey than I thought. We typically have thanksgiving at a close family friends home so in my teenage rage I was a little moody about the day. It was way better than I thought but it was also not perfect either. I guess that is what made it thanksgiving cause at the end of the day it was still a family eating some food for turkey day with a little bit of unfortunate thoughts going through all our heads. It’s the week after now and I am all better and back to high school (song reference I know I am lame but its also true) my mom and her partner are better too. I can say I appreciated this thanksgiving cause it taught me a lot of patience but I would be lying if I said I did not hope next years was a little different.
I’m impressed by your maturity and the way it seems like you’re able to process things. I tell my teenage son that every family has it’s quirks and there’s no such thing as a “normal” family. There are families of all shapes and sizes. Glad to hear that your mom’s turkey turned out better than expected 🤣